Michael Jackson’s public memorial was today.
I wasn't going to watch the broadcast – I had other things to do, I felt I’d already said goodbye, and most of all, I didn’t want to cry anymore. So, thinking it was over after about an hour, I turned on the radio but heard the announcer recapping the last speakers and performances from the service; apparently it was still going. I decided to watch “for a few minutes.”
I always wonder why it takes a “negative” event (like a funeral/wake/memorial/life celebration) for us to stop our life routine and pay attention to what’s important. As I watched the event with millions of people worldwide, I cried again. I cried for the loss of my childhood hero, and for the part of my childhood that I connected to him. I cried for a family in pain, and for a pain most parents thankfully do not know. I cried for all of us who’ve lost loved ones through death, disappearance, or emotional cut-off, and for all of us who’ve taken ourselves and others for granted at some point during life. I cried for the human experience that fears death and pain, yet knows it is our inescapable destiny. I cried sadness, I cried disbelief, I cried anger, I cried futility. And when I’d cried enough, I prayed in gratitude for the universal love and support for everyone suffering today.
I sighed as I stood up, knowing that (even if I don’t want to) I’ll cry again on a different day -- and the sun will also rise, and we will love, laugh, lose, laugh, and love again and again. Maybe for me, remembering what’s important is simply remembering all it means to be human.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
"On This Day, Seek Joy"
31 July 2007
I went to a funeral today. Unfortunately, there isn’t an easy way to hear that. Most adults have been to at least one funeral in their lives, and know that it's one of the more difficult events we’re called to do. The pastor opened the service by saying "we're all having mixed feelings of sadness, anger, and loss" but he prayed that we would also be able to feel joy as we remembered our loved one's life.
I've been to six funerals in the past seven years, and each time it's been a challenge to feel joy. I know cognitively through my own spiritual work that the joy is in me, but when the loss and sadness are still so fresh, joy feels very far away. After the service I said to a friend, "knowing that I'm going to feel acceptance and joy tomorrow doesn't make my anger and sadness any easier today". She responded, "knowing that we are spirits having a human experience doesn't make it easier to be human". I think I really needed to hear that. It also reminded me that every loss we experience brings up the grief of every other loss, and that helped make it OK for me to not only grieve the loss of my friend today, but to say another set of goodbyes for those I knew and those I didn't know as well (including Tammy Faye Messner, Pete Wilson, Albert Ellis, and Coach Bill Walsh who all passed away in the last few days).
I don't have a lesson that I'm looking to impart today, but I am reminded of the proverbial sayings "whatever you're feeling now is OK", and "our feelings are part of being human". One feeling (or perhaps just an awareness) that I had was how distant we can become from each other. Sitting at my friend's service, I realized I didn't know how long it'd been since I'd last seen her. I know that type of realization can bring guilt, but I didn't feel that. Instead, I'd say I felt more perturbed at how we live our busy lives distant and disconnected from each other, often giving empty promises to keep in touch. We send each other chain-letter emails and text messages, we go to movies, we tell each other we're "fine" – but do we feel connected? As I looked around the service at the faces of dozens of grieving strangers, I wondered, when we leave here, will we go back into our separate, distant lives? Will we go back to being road-ragers, red-light-runners, line-jumpers, sidewalk-rushers, elevator-elbowers, crowd-pushers? Or can our loss serve to change how we see ourselves in the world? I think my sense of perturb got tweaked because I'm afraid that after the initial sting of the loss has softened, our lives will pretty much go back to "normal". I remember hours after the September 11 tragedy, hearing the President encouraging us to go back to "normal", to keep flying and shopping and living our American lives, to be "fine". I realized then and again now, I don't want to go back to being "fine". I don't want to only celebrate the lives and hearts and dreams and joy of my friends and family members at their funerals. When I came home after the service, my first thought was I'd like to call or write everyone I know and say, "I went to a funeral today, and I wanted to let you know, now, that you're important to me and that I'm glad I've known you."
"Death is just another part of life" is a phrase I've heard many times, but each time I hear it, I notice it doesn't relate to anything my human experience can understand. But there's a line from the movie "The Shawshank Redemption" that does have meaning for me, especially today: "Get busy living, or get busy dying". Not busy doing, not busy achieving, not busy getting, not busy "fine" and "normal". But living, even if only a small part of each day; being in the present moment, taking a moment to reflect on the joy of being alive, taking a moment in gratitude for the people in our lives, taking a moment to breathe, taking a moment to be. Then maybe running one less red light, letting one person in line ahead of you, smiling to one homeless person ... and telling someone you haven't talked to in a long time why you're glad to have known them. I think that's living, and I think living is where we find the joy the pastor prayed for.
May you spread joy today.
I went to a funeral today. Unfortunately, there isn’t an easy way to hear that. Most adults have been to at least one funeral in their lives, and know that it's one of the more difficult events we’re called to do. The pastor opened the service by saying "we're all having mixed feelings of sadness, anger, and loss" but he prayed that we would also be able to feel joy as we remembered our loved one's life.
I've been to six funerals in the past seven years, and each time it's been a challenge to feel joy. I know cognitively through my own spiritual work that the joy is in me, but when the loss and sadness are still so fresh, joy feels very far away. After the service I said to a friend, "knowing that I'm going to feel acceptance and joy tomorrow doesn't make my anger and sadness any easier today". She responded, "knowing that we are spirits having a human experience doesn't make it easier to be human". I think I really needed to hear that. It also reminded me that every loss we experience brings up the grief of every other loss, and that helped make it OK for me to not only grieve the loss of my friend today, but to say another set of goodbyes for those I knew and those I didn't know as well (including Tammy Faye Messner, Pete Wilson, Albert Ellis, and Coach Bill Walsh who all passed away in the last few days).
I don't have a lesson that I'm looking to impart today, but I am reminded of the proverbial sayings "whatever you're feeling now is OK", and "our feelings are part of being human". One feeling (or perhaps just an awareness) that I had was how distant we can become from each other. Sitting at my friend's service, I realized I didn't know how long it'd been since I'd last seen her. I know that type of realization can bring guilt, but I didn't feel that. Instead, I'd say I felt more perturbed at how we live our busy lives distant and disconnected from each other, often giving empty promises to keep in touch. We send each other chain-letter emails and text messages, we go to movies, we tell each other we're "fine" – but do we feel connected? As I looked around the service at the faces of dozens of grieving strangers, I wondered, when we leave here, will we go back into our separate, distant lives? Will we go back to being road-ragers, red-light-runners, line-jumpers, sidewalk-rushers, elevator-elbowers, crowd-pushers? Or can our loss serve to change how we see ourselves in the world? I think my sense of perturb got tweaked because I'm afraid that after the initial sting of the loss has softened, our lives will pretty much go back to "normal". I remember hours after the September 11 tragedy, hearing the President encouraging us to go back to "normal", to keep flying and shopping and living our American lives, to be "fine". I realized then and again now, I don't want to go back to being "fine". I don't want to only celebrate the lives and hearts and dreams and joy of my friends and family members at their funerals. When I came home after the service, my first thought was I'd like to call or write everyone I know and say, "I went to a funeral today, and I wanted to let you know, now, that you're important to me and that I'm glad I've known you."
"Death is just another part of life" is a phrase I've heard many times, but each time I hear it, I notice it doesn't relate to anything my human experience can understand. But there's a line from the movie "The Shawshank Redemption" that does have meaning for me, especially today: "Get busy living, or get busy dying". Not busy doing, not busy achieving, not busy getting, not busy "fine" and "normal". But living, even if only a small part of each day; being in the present moment, taking a moment to reflect on the joy of being alive, taking a moment in gratitude for the people in our lives, taking a moment to breathe, taking a moment to be. Then maybe running one less red light, letting one person in line ahead of you, smiling to one homeless person ... and telling someone you haven't talked to in a long time why you're glad to have known them. I think that's living, and I think living is where we find the joy the pastor prayed for.
May you spread joy today.
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Somatic Health & Wellness in Action: How Can I Get It All Done?
Greetings! The following is an excerpt from article I wrote back in 2004. I hope you find it enjoyable and useful.
Most of us know that we should consistently make time for Self-Care, but often we do not seem to find the time. Our fast-paced culture teaches us that “slowing down to smell the roses” is a luxury we cannot afford, and we often feel we must keep moving, going, doing, since there is always more to do than time to do it all.
As a Somatic Health Therapist, I found myself in an even greater conundrum: How do I teach my clients that slowing down to smell the roses has value if I am also in fear of wasting time and not getting it all done? How do I teach the value of taking care of the Self without adding more things for them to do?
As I pondered these questions, I suddenly remembered something a friend of mine told me many years ago. He was speaking specifically of his rather intense work environment, but I found that his words fit my current quandary perfectly. He said, “You have to accept the fact that not everything will get done. You have to be OK with your day being interrupt driven, with everything popping up as Priority One, but at some point of your choosing, you must leave it because it will be here tomorrow.”
Imagine the power in this shift in perspective. The beauty and wisdom in my friend’s analysis was, rather than seeing “too much to do” as the problem, he saw it simply as how things are. This freed him from the traps of fighting to “get it all done”; of worrying about what didn’t get done; and of feeling guilty about what he “should” be doing. I once read that the definition of suffering is “arguing with reality”; if we decide that, yes, there is indeed too much to do in our lives, we actually regain the power to choose what’s important right now, and therefore what will get our time and full attention right now. What’s more, we can make that choice of what we will attend to at any moment during the day.
It was from here that I found I could address my questions: I can teach the value of paying attention, of being fully present in our experiences, and of making conscious choices about how we spend our precious time. With conscious awareness to how those choices affect our Selves, we are truly “slowing down” to really “take care of ourselves”.
Let’s take a practical example. Have you ever had something happen that you felt “ruined your whole day”? Perhaps someone cut you off on the freeway, or you had an argument with a housemate or family member, or your hapless employee was late again – there are probably countless examples. Most likely you felt angry, frustrated, disappointed, out of balance – all of the reasonable and understandable emotional responses to the event. But if you felt the situation “ruined your whole day” or even a few hours in your day, think of how much time and energy you spent in that state of discord, unable to fully focus on anything or anyone else. Imagine if, instead, you had allowed yourself some time to really experience your reaction to the event at the time it happened, found completion, and then chose to shift your attention away from it. The scenario might look like this:
“Oh! That crazy driver just cut me off!” At that moment ask yourself, “What emotions am I feeling right now?” Perhaps at first glance you might think, “I’m very angry at that jerk!” But seething with this anger keeps the focus of your emotions on the event and the other person, and away from your Self. Take a moment to ask again, this time looking further: “What am I really feeling now?” Perhaps the adrenaline rush is related to intense fear (“I could’ve been hurt or killed!”). Perhaps the anger is rooted in disempowerment and lack of control (“How did s/he not see me – it’s as if I’m invisible!”).
Whatever the answers, you have the opportunity in that moment to gain new information and insight about yourself, and to move in a more positive and healthy direction toward a sense of closure. With closure and completion comes the ability to truly “let it go”, and perhaps next time you’re cut off, you’ll find it doesn’t have to affect you as strongly or for as long as in the past. By choosing to pay attention to your true feelings in that moment, you empower yourself to make the situation work for you, rather than having it “ruin your whole day”. On the more tangible side, you also gain back the time you would have spent recounting the story, re-experiencing the negative and ineffective emotions, and surrendering your power and energy to the event (and that other driver!). Imagine how different your days would be if you chose living in the present over re-living the past!
As you can see from this example, “taking care of yourself” and “taking time for yourself” need not be large time-consuming TODO tasks. They can be as simple as choosing to focus a moment on you. I employ this concept in one of my favorite “exercises” in the car: when I’m stopped at a red light, I let go of the steering wheel. This very simple action allows my hands, arms, shoulders, and back to rest, and most often a deep refreshing breath naturally follows. In those moments, I can bring my attention to myself, quickly checking in to notice “how I’m doing” before I’m off again. No time is lost or wasted, and yet in those moments, I give myself the privilege of being fully present to “smell my own roses”.
So, maybe we can’t “get it all done”, but we can always choose to bring attention and awareness to our Selves in whatever we are doing. I invite you to try while you’re out for a jog, or brushing your teeth, or even at the next red light: pick a “rose” – something that has meaning to you – and for few moments bring your full attention to it. As you do, notice what you notice about yourself – notice your thoughts, your feelings, your body. Then find completion, and let it go and move on. No time is added or wasted, yet by simply bringing your awareness to your Self, you’ve accomplished self-care. Congratulations, you got it all done.
Most of us know that we should consistently make time for Self-Care, but often we do not seem to find the time. Our fast-paced culture teaches us that “slowing down to smell the roses” is a luxury we cannot afford, and we often feel we must keep moving, going, doing, since there is always more to do than time to do it all.
As a Somatic Health Therapist, I found myself in an even greater conundrum: How do I teach my clients that slowing down to smell the roses has value if I am also in fear of wasting time and not getting it all done? How do I teach the value of taking care of the Self without adding more things for them to do?
As I pondered these questions, I suddenly remembered something a friend of mine told me many years ago. He was speaking specifically of his rather intense work environment, but I found that his words fit my current quandary perfectly. He said, “You have to accept the fact that not everything will get done. You have to be OK with your day being interrupt driven, with everything popping up as Priority One, but at some point of your choosing, you must leave it because it will be here tomorrow.”
Imagine the power in this shift in perspective. The beauty and wisdom in my friend’s analysis was, rather than seeing “too much to do” as the problem, he saw it simply as how things are. This freed him from the traps of fighting to “get it all done”; of worrying about what didn’t get done; and of feeling guilty about what he “should” be doing. I once read that the definition of suffering is “arguing with reality”; if we decide that, yes, there is indeed too much to do in our lives, we actually regain the power to choose what’s important right now, and therefore what will get our time and full attention right now. What’s more, we can make that choice of what we will attend to at any moment during the day.
It was from here that I found I could address my questions: I can teach the value of paying attention, of being fully present in our experiences, and of making conscious choices about how we spend our precious time. With conscious awareness to how those choices affect our Selves, we are truly “slowing down” to really “take care of ourselves”.
Let’s take a practical example. Have you ever had something happen that you felt “ruined your whole day”? Perhaps someone cut you off on the freeway, or you had an argument with a housemate or family member, or your hapless employee was late again – there are probably countless examples. Most likely you felt angry, frustrated, disappointed, out of balance – all of the reasonable and understandable emotional responses to the event. But if you felt the situation “ruined your whole day” or even a few hours in your day, think of how much time and energy you spent in that state of discord, unable to fully focus on anything or anyone else. Imagine if, instead, you had allowed yourself some time to really experience your reaction to the event at the time it happened, found completion, and then chose to shift your attention away from it. The scenario might look like this:
“Oh! That crazy driver just cut me off!” At that moment ask yourself, “What emotions am I feeling right now?” Perhaps at first glance you might think, “I’m very angry at that jerk!” But seething with this anger keeps the focus of your emotions on the event and the other person, and away from your Self. Take a moment to ask again, this time looking further: “What am I really feeling now?” Perhaps the adrenaline rush is related to intense fear (“I could’ve been hurt or killed!”). Perhaps the anger is rooted in disempowerment and lack of control (“How did s/he not see me – it’s as if I’m invisible!”).
Whatever the answers, you have the opportunity in that moment to gain new information and insight about yourself, and to move in a more positive and healthy direction toward a sense of closure. With closure and completion comes the ability to truly “let it go”, and perhaps next time you’re cut off, you’ll find it doesn’t have to affect you as strongly or for as long as in the past. By choosing to pay attention to your true feelings in that moment, you empower yourself to make the situation work for you, rather than having it “ruin your whole day”. On the more tangible side, you also gain back the time you would have spent recounting the story, re-experiencing the negative and ineffective emotions, and surrendering your power and energy to the event (and that other driver!). Imagine how different your days would be if you chose living in the present over re-living the past!
As you can see from this example, “taking care of yourself” and “taking time for yourself” need not be large time-consuming TODO tasks. They can be as simple as choosing to focus a moment on you. I employ this concept in one of my favorite “exercises” in the car: when I’m stopped at a red light, I let go of the steering wheel. This very simple action allows my hands, arms, shoulders, and back to rest, and most often a deep refreshing breath naturally follows. In those moments, I can bring my attention to myself, quickly checking in to notice “how I’m doing” before I’m off again. No time is lost or wasted, and yet in those moments, I give myself the privilege of being fully present to “smell my own roses”.
So, maybe we can’t “get it all done”, but we can always choose to bring attention and awareness to our Selves in whatever we are doing. I invite you to try while you’re out for a jog, or brushing your teeth, or even at the next red light: pick a “rose” – something that has meaning to you – and for few moments bring your full attention to it. As you do, notice what you notice about yourself – notice your thoughts, your feelings, your body. Then find completion, and let it go and move on. No time is added or wasted, yet by simply bringing your awareness to your Self, you’ve accomplished self-care. Congratulations, you got it all done.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Somatic Health & Wellness in Action
Greetings ...
"Somatic Health & Wellness" is the focus of my work with my clients - the notion being, when we are aware of our internal experience, we can respond appropriately to whatever is happening around us. I find this most useful in stressful situations: when I'm most able to notice what's happening inside me in the moment, I'm best able to respond to the situation or person I'm dealing with in the most efficient or productive way.
I was practicing this yesterday when I was on the phone with my telephone service provider. Over the last few days, I've had intermittent and unusual issues with my phone line, and I've called Customer Service repeatedly to find a resolution to my problems. Yesterday, after being transferred for the third time (each time having to re-explain my issues), I began to really pay attention to my internal experience. I noticed the surge of energy building in my abdomen; I noticed my throat simultaneously heating up and closing up; I noticed the dryness in my mouth. But in addition to these sensations in my physical body, I also became aware of my emotional and energetic/spiritual experience. I noticed myself becoming, not simply "angry", but it was as if a rage were building inside me, preparing for explosion. As I explored that feeling, I realized it wasn't so much that I was angry -- in truth, I was feeling unheard and unseen. I was feeling powerless and dismissed. I was feeling unimportant and insignificant.
It occurred to me that I could easily let the rage explode and just start yelling at this Customer Service woman ... or I could "implode" and meekly skulk away from the interaction. But I realized that both impulses were simply an attempt by my Somatic Self to feel heard and to regain my sense of personal power and control.
Ironically, it was simply realizing that I felt powerless that actually helped me regain my sense of personal power. The Customer Service people were not responsible for my feelings -- they didn't reach through the phone and take my personal power. My locus of control was always within me, and as I acknowledged my feelings and reconnected with my internal experience of personal power, I realized that how I reacted (or better, responded) to my feelings of helplessness and powerlessness were really my choice. Sure, I could yell and slam the phone down and maybe I'd feel better for a moment. But I also was unlikely to get my problem resolved any faster, and I'd probably actually end up feeling much worse.
So instead of yelling or apologizing at the Customer Service person, I took several deep breaths and said to her that, while I understood she was just trying to fix my problem as fast as possible, I also felt she wasn't actually hearing what I was saying. Somehow it seemed that connecting with her as a person (rather than just as a faceless representative of a monolithic company) helped me feel empowered to explain my experience. In the end, she admitted that she didn't know what the answer was, and would have to research it further. Oddly, as I hung up, even though I knew my problem would remain for the time being, I felt this communication had in fact been efficient and productive. Somehow I felt that even if she hadn't changed her position, my choice to respond appropriately to my internal experience made the difference in how I experienced my interaction with her.
So I'll invite you: the next time you find yourself frustated with Customer Service, ask your Self, have I given up my personal power? Am I feeling victimized? Have I somehow allowed myself to believe that this person (or this company, or this situation) has "taken control over me"? You may be surprised at what you notice ... And if you do find you've abdicated your personal power and control, ask your Self how you can reclaim it!
I welcome hearing your questions, comments, and experiences.
"Somatic Health & Wellness" is the focus of my work with my clients - the notion being, when we are aware of our internal experience, we can respond appropriately to whatever is happening around us. I find this most useful in stressful situations: when I'm most able to notice what's happening inside me in the moment, I'm best able to respond to the situation or person I'm dealing with in the most efficient or productive way.
I was practicing this yesterday when I was on the phone with my telephone service provider. Over the last few days, I've had intermittent and unusual issues with my phone line, and I've called Customer Service repeatedly to find a resolution to my problems. Yesterday, after being transferred for the third time (each time having to re-explain my issues), I began to really pay attention to my internal experience. I noticed the surge of energy building in my abdomen; I noticed my throat simultaneously heating up and closing up; I noticed the dryness in my mouth. But in addition to these sensations in my physical body, I also became aware of my emotional and energetic/spiritual experience. I noticed myself becoming, not simply "angry", but it was as if a rage were building inside me, preparing for explosion. As I explored that feeling, I realized it wasn't so much that I was angry -- in truth, I was feeling unheard and unseen. I was feeling powerless and dismissed. I was feeling unimportant and insignificant.
It occurred to me that I could easily let the rage explode and just start yelling at this Customer Service woman ... or I could "implode" and meekly skulk away from the interaction. But I realized that both impulses were simply an attempt by my Somatic Self to feel heard and to regain my sense of personal power and control.
Ironically, it was simply realizing that I felt powerless that actually helped me regain my sense of personal power. The Customer Service people were not responsible for my feelings -- they didn't reach through the phone and take my personal power. My locus of control was always within me, and as I acknowledged my feelings and reconnected with my internal experience of personal power, I realized that how I reacted (or better, responded) to my feelings of helplessness and powerlessness were really my choice. Sure, I could yell and slam the phone down and maybe I'd feel better for a moment. But I also was unlikely to get my problem resolved any faster, and I'd probably actually end up feeling much worse.
So instead of yelling or apologizing at the Customer Service person, I took several deep breaths and said to her that, while I understood she was just trying to fix my problem as fast as possible, I also felt she wasn't actually hearing what I was saying. Somehow it seemed that connecting with her as a person (rather than just as a faceless representative of a monolithic company) helped me feel empowered to explain my experience. In the end, she admitted that she didn't know what the answer was, and would have to research it further. Oddly, as I hung up, even though I knew my problem would remain for the time being, I felt this communication had in fact been efficient and productive. Somehow I felt that even if she hadn't changed her position, my choice to respond appropriately to my internal experience made the difference in how I experienced my interaction with her.
So I'll invite you: the next time you find yourself frustated with Customer Service, ask your Self, have I given up my personal power? Am I feeling victimized? Have I somehow allowed myself to believe that this person (or this company, or this situation) has "taken control over me"? You may be surprised at what you notice ... And if you do find you've abdicated your personal power and control, ask your Self how you can reclaim it!
I welcome hearing your questions, comments, and experiences.
Monday, February 5, 2007
Thoughts on my recent doctor's visit
It’s been several weeks since my last entry, and it’s been an interesting couple of months. Among other things, for the second time this year (2007) I find myself battling the symptoms of cold and flu. While I suppose many people would not find that news-worthy, as someone who usually only gets sick a couple times a year total, this is a situation to which I’m quite unaccustomed. For the past several years when I’ve gotten sick, it’s hit me hard for about a day or so when pretty much all I can do is sleep and try to drink water or juice to stay hydrated. After that, there’s been perhaps some lingering congestion or a cough that lasts another day or so, but then it’s over for months or even the rest of the year. I’ve come to expect that, when I get sick I’m out of commission for a couple of days, but in less than a week I’m feeling 100% myself again. So for me, two bouts of illness (each lasting a week or more) in the span of six weeks is at best unfamiliar, and leaves me wondering if my body might be trying to send me a “deeper” message.
Perhaps because my past bouts of cold or flu have been so predictable, I don’t usually go to the doctor or take medication. But ironically my annual checkup happened to be scheduled the week after my first cold, so I mentioned it to my doctor in case there was anything she thought I should be aware of. Not really expecting a response, I was quite surprised at how quickly she began recommending different medications to address my symptoms – take this for aches, take that for congestion. Part of me knew she just wanted to help me feel better fast, but for me as a holistic practitioner, I’m always surprised when recommendations are given with very little knowledge or attention to the wider context of the patient/client’s life. In other words, what if my congestion symptoms were actually an allergic or biochemical reaction to all the sugar, dairy, and fatty foods I’d consumed over the recent holidays? Or what if the aches were simply a result of having been sick in bed for two days? What if my flu-like symptoms overall were actually signaling hormonal or chemical changes going on in my body? None of that could be discovered if the focus was on solely on removing the discomfort of the symptoms; I'd miss the chance to listen to whatever messages my body might be sending me.
Another thing about my checkup appointment: my doctor has been urging me to get a mammogram since my 39th birthday, and this year I finally conceded. I have many reasons why I’ve opted against having this test over the years, but part of me theorized that perhaps I “shouldn’t judge something until I’ve actually tried it”, and it has been a useful tool to many women in the past. So with as much an open mind as I could manage, I set off to radiology to join ranks with so many 40+ women taking that responsibility for their health care.
But as the exam started, I kept hearing thoughts running through my head: "Are you kidding me? Is this for real? People do this every year? There’s no way I’m doing this ever again!"
It wasn’t that experience was bad – the technician was as understanding as she could be, and while it was uncomfortable it was not excruciatingly painful or shameful. Yet I noticed my mind telling me that I should detach my attention and essence enough from my body to just let the technician move and push and squish and stretch my breasts and belly and shoulders and arms to make for the best picture. But that was just the point: I do not want to detach myself from my body’s experience. I strive for myself (and I encourage my clients) to stay present in the body, to be aware, attuned, and attentive to what’s happening in the body. So it presented me with quite a dilemma: part of me felt “in order to get though this, I need to mentally check out”, but more of me wanted to be present and not check out but wasn’t sure how to process this experience.
I found that I had to allow both of those parts to co-exist for a long time after the appointment in order to understand my process. On the one hand, I kept thinking, “oh I should just stop thinking about it – after all, it’s over now, right? And yea, it was weird and somewhat degrading to have someone kind of pawing and handling my body like that, but if I stop thinking about it I’ll stop feeling bad”. But the truth was I had to honor the fact that I did feel degraded, and I did feel like someone was pawing me, and in honoring those parts of me, I got to let myself see that, no matter what the technician’s best intent may have been, this was my experience and it was valid simply because it was my experience.
As I let those different parts of myself have their say, I came to realize that much of my emotional reaction to the exam was related to touch. As a Somatic Therapist, touch is an essential quality to my healing work, but it can only be healing when accompanied with patience, presence, trust, kindness, respect, and grace. I realized that my body did not feel these qualities in my physical exam from my doctor, in the blood tests, or in the mammogram. Even though each practitioner had wonderful "bedside manners", I noticed that in my experience, I still felt poked, prodded, and pawed. I draw that distinction deliberately to emphasize that my experience was not "their fault" -- it was no one's fault -- yet it was still valid, and it was important that I acknowledge my experience simply because it was how I truly felt.
Now I know that if (or maybe when :-) I have my next mammogram, I'll know that "checking out" and leaving my body in the hands of a stranger does not give me the experience of feeling touched with kindness and respect. Instead, no matter how the other person is acting, I now know that it's most important that I treat myself with kindness and respect by staying present in my experience -- speaking up for myself, expressing what's uncomfortable and saying what I need to feel more comfortable, getting my questions answered, and so on. It's not enough to say "my doctor doesn't take time for me" -- I need to believe that I am valuable enough to deserve feeling well-treated, and respond to my body's needs appropriately. It may not make my physical examinations any more pleasant per se, but at least I'll know that I didn't leave "me" on a stranger's exam table being poked and pawed.
Thanks for reading; I welcome your comments. Feel free to contact me directly at AdeleCox@Youniversoul.com
Until next time, stay well.
Perhaps because my past bouts of cold or flu have been so predictable, I don’t usually go to the doctor or take medication. But ironically my annual checkup happened to be scheduled the week after my first cold, so I mentioned it to my doctor in case there was anything she thought I should be aware of. Not really expecting a response, I was quite surprised at how quickly she began recommending different medications to address my symptoms – take this for aches, take that for congestion. Part of me knew she just wanted to help me feel better fast, but for me as a holistic practitioner, I’m always surprised when recommendations are given with very little knowledge or attention to the wider context of the patient/client’s life. In other words, what if my congestion symptoms were actually an allergic or biochemical reaction to all the sugar, dairy, and fatty foods I’d consumed over the recent holidays? Or what if the aches were simply a result of having been sick in bed for two days? What if my flu-like symptoms overall were actually signaling hormonal or chemical changes going on in my body? None of that could be discovered if the focus was on solely on removing the discomfort of the symptoms; I'd miss the chance to listen to whatever messages my body might be sending me.
Another thing about my checkup appointment: my doctor has been urging me to get a mammogram since my 39th birthday, and this year I finally conceded. I have many reasons why I’ve opted against having this test over the years, but part of me theorized that perhaps I “shouldn’t judge something until I’ve actually tried it”, and it has been a useful tool to many women in the past. So with as much an open mind as I could manage, I set off to radiology to join ranks with so many 40+ women taking that responsibility for their health care.
But as the exam started, I kept hearing thoughts running through my head: "Are you kidding me? Is this for real? People do this every year? There’s no way I’m doing this ever again!"
It wasn’t that experience was bad – the technician was as understanding as she could be, and while it was uncomfortable it was not excruciatingly painful or shameful. Yet I noticed my mind telling me that I should detach my attention and essence enough from my body to just let the technician move and push and squish and stretch my breasts and belly and shoulders and arms to make for the best picture. But that was just the point: I do not want to detach myself from my body’s experience. I strive for myself (and I encourage my clients) to stay present in the body, to be aware, attuned, and attentive to what’s happening in the body. So it presented me with quite a dilemma: part of me felt “in order to get though this, I need to mentally check out”, but more of me wanted to be present and not check out but wasn’t sure how to process this experience.
I found that I had to allow both of those parts to co-exist for a long time after the appointment in order to understand my process. On the one hand, I kept thinking, “oh I should just stop thinking about it – after all, it’s over now, right? And yea, it was weird and somewhat degrading to have someone kind of pawing and handling my body like that, but if I stop thinking about it I’ll stop feeling bad”. But the truth was I had to honor the fact that I did feel degraded, and I did feel like someone was pawing me, and in honoring those parts of me, I got to let myself see that, no matter what the technician’s best intent may have been, this was my experience and it was valid simply because it was my experience.
As I let those different parts of myself have their say, I came to realize that much of my emotional reaction to the exam was related to touch. As a Somatic Therapist, touch is an essential quality to my healing work, but it can only be healing when accompanied with patience, presence, trust, kindness, respect, and grace. I realized that my body did not feel these qualities in my physical exam from my doctor, in the blood tests, or in the mammogram. Even though each practitioner had wonderful "bedside manners", I noticed that in my experience, I still felt poked, prodded, and pawed. I draw that distinction deliberately to emphasize that my experience was not "their fault" -- it was no one's fault -- yet it was still valid, and it was important that I acknowledge my experience simply because it was how I truly felt.
Now I know that if (or maybe when :-) I have my next mammogram, I'll know that "checking out" and leaving my body in the hands of a stranger does not give me the experience of feeling touched with kindness and respect. Instead, no matter how the other person is acting, I now know that it's most important that I treat myself with kindness and respect by staying present in my experience -- speaking up for myself, expressing what's uncomfortable and saying what I need to feel more comfortable, getting my questions answered, and so on. It's not enough to say "my doctor doesn't take time for me" -- I need to believe that I am valuable enough to deserve feeling well-treated, and respond to my body's needs appropriately. It may not make my physical examinations any more pleasant per se, but at least I'll know that I didn't leave "me" on a stranger's exam table being poked and pawed.
Thanks for reading; I welcome your comments. Feel free to contact me directly at AdeleCox@Youniversoul.com
Until next time, stay well.
Monday, December 11, 2006
How to Reduce Your Stress In One Minute
This is a short article I recently wrote --
The next time you're sitting in your car waiting for a red light, here's a quick stress relief technique that you can do for yourself in just that amount of time.
Before beginning, set the parking brake. (While this isn't really a relaxation technique per se, it does help reduce the stress of worrying that your car may roll away!) You can also choose to turn off your radio or cell phone so as not to be interrupted in this time you're giving yourself.
First, take your hands off of the steering wheel and rub them together vigorously for five to 10 seconds; this helps re-energize circulation and starts to soften tension. Then, let your hands rest in your lap, and notice your arms, shoulders, and upper back start to relax.
Let your eyes softly focus, perhaps on the signal light or on the hood of your car. Notice how nice it feels to give your eyes, forehead, and jaw a break -- this is when it's great to have your phone turned off.
Now, take three to five easy breaths. These needn't be big breaths; it's just helpful to bring your attention to your breath. Notice how nice it feels to take air into your body.
Now, assuming you've set the parking brake, wiggle the toes on both feet and rotate both of your ankles. Really focus on feeling each individual toe move inside your shoe; this again helps bring warmth and circulation to your feet and lower legs.
Finally, rock your hips from side to side. This helps relax your spine and lower back, and also brings circulation into those areas. You can play with direction and tempo -- if it helps, imagine you're doing a hoola-hoop or salsa dance right there in the driver's seat!
Now feeling refreshed all over your body, you can disengage the parking brake and prepare for the green light to "go" on feeling less stress in yourbody ... and it only took one minute!
-- let me know if you find this useful!
The next time you're sitting in your car waiting for a red light, here's a quick stress relief technique that you can do for yourself in just that amount of time.
Before beginning, set the parking brake. (While this isn't really a relaxation technique per se, it does help reduce the stress of worrying that your car may roll away!) You can also choose to turn off your radio or cell phone so as not to be interrupted in this time you're giving yourself.
First, take your hands off of the steering wheel and rub them together vigorously for five to 10 seconds; this helps re-energize circulation and starts to soften tension. Then, let your hands rest in your lap, and notice your arms, shoulders, and upper back start to relax.
Let your eyes softly focus, perhaps on the signal light or on the hood of your car. Notice how nice it feels to give your eyes, forehead, and jaw a break -- this is when it's great to have your phone turned off.
Now, take three to five easy breaths. These needn't be big breaths; it's just helpful to bring your attention to your breath. Notice how nice it feels to take air into your body.
Now, assuming you've set the parking brake, wiggle the toes on both feet and rotate both of your ankles. Really focus on feeling each individual toe move inside your shoe; this again helps bring warmth and circulation to your feet and lower legs.
Finally, rock your hips from side to side. This helps relax your spine and lower back, and also brings circulation into those areas. You can play with direction and tempo -- if it helps, imagine you're doing a hoola-hoop or salsa dance right there in the driver's seat!
Now feeling refreshed all over your body, you can disengage the parking brake and prepare for the green light to "go" on feeling less stress in yourbody ... and it only took one minute!
-- let me know if you find this useful!
Welcome to Youniversoul Thoughts
Hello, and welcome to the first posting of "Youniversoul Thoughts", a blog published by Adele Cox, the owner and founder of "Youniversoul Body-Oriented Health & Wellness". I've created a unique Somatic Health & Wellness practice that blends my training and experience in Bodywork and Counseling to help you experience yourself as an integrated being. My website has information about my background, credentials, and the work I do, but I also wanted to communicate directly with you about my thoughts, ideas, questions, and interesting information related to living a holistically healthly life.
I don't think of "holistic health" as simply a term that means "an alternative to traditional medicine"; I believe it's really about an approach to life. I also don't think of "somatic" as simply "the body"; I believe it's about all of who you are. So in terms of my work, I'm interested in the many different dimensions of your life: your "personal" Self (body, mind, energy, emotions, spirit); your "relational" Self (how you interact with your business, casual, and intimate relationships), and your Self through time (past, present, future). Believe it or not, all of these aspects (and probably many others I haven't listed) can intensely impact who you are at this moment! You're not simply a body, or just your past, or an isolated entity in your relationships -- you're a complex being having experiences through all the aspects of your Self, and I believe your growth and healing experience is most effectively served by including these aspects.
I look forward to hearing your comments!
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